Assuming Dominance: The Unfriendly Dog

I hope I've made it clear that even when you evaluate and choose adoptees according to your powers of observation and logical principles, it's still a crap shoot. In that case, your most important duty is to make sure none of it falls on you.

This sums up the situation with an unfriendly dog. Let me assure you that it's workable. For an intelligent cat who knows which way to leap, everything is workable.

In dealing with dogs, keep this fact foremost. Far more than a cat does, a dog seeks the approval and love of his master. Yes, it will make mistakes, sometimes on the rug, sometimes through the miscalculation of chewing a beloved sock, shoe, or slipper. A wise dog can extricate herself from such disasters with a soft-eyed, plaintive and the faintest of whines.

This, however, is not a guide for dogs. My point here is that your corpse isn't one of those mistakes from which a dog can extricate himself. You want to avoid such unpleasantness.

Take the attitude that you're in the midst of battlefield negotiations. This is no time for long speeches or flowery prose. Got for quick and to the point. If a dog is thinking of lunging at you, shriek at the top of your lungs, "I wouldn't if I were you! They'll send you to the pound." The mention of this frightful word should freeze a dog in mid-lunge.

The other reason you limit yourself to brief communication is that you must also prepare to activate Plan B. Know where the closest couch is and make sure the space beneath is large enough for hiding. If you are close to a human adoptee, calculate the distance to his or her lap.

Above all, unless your life depends on it, make no hostile gesture towards the dog. I'm sure I don't have to list all the swipes, growls, and other legitimate behavior you must avoid. Maintain your status as the innocent victim.

Make no comments as the humans chastise the dog. The dog will probably get the message, but don't turn your back on him until you've had some more negotiations. Establish with the dog that you're open to a friendly division of property, humans included. You won't eat his food (this is the easiest promise to make, because their food tastes awful), and you demand that he not eat yours (much harder for the dog, which is why you insist).

If he's already carved out the bed as his personal domain, don't argue in these early stages. You may actually prefer to sleep elsewhere, but later on you will want to establish that you have every right to occupy that space—or indeed, any and every space.

These, however, are the earliest days. Your task here is to establish civility and to demonstrate with every paw you lift, that you have a friendly and conciliatory spirit. It's like catnip in the bank in terms of investing in your future.

Establishing Dominance Part I: The Friendly Dog

With this post I resume my advice column and return to the theme of how best to take over any home you enter. Part of that, of course, involves establishing your dominance over any other creatures who may already live there.

Humans are accustomed to think of the "pet-owning" (forgive me while I expel a hairball of disgust) world as being divided between dog people and cat people. This would be convenient and would give me no need to write this post.

However, to their possible credit, many people describe themselves as "animal lovers." This may mean they are kind-hearted, and if you evaluated them thoroughly when you considered them for adoption, you will already know this.

In other cases, though, you will find a household where a dog person and a cat person combined households. This raises the possibility that, once the glow of love and mating dissipates, they may be in trouble, due to deep emotional incompatibility. This will mean trouble for you, so be on the alert for early warning signs. Your first action must to be to make yourself indispensable to the cat person.

I will cover this area more thoroughly in a post entitled "What Divorce Means to You."

Whatever the reason for a dog being already established in the household you intend to conquer, you must deal with this presence. His seniority need not concern you as much as that of another cat would. It must, however, be taken into consideration.

For this reason, I recommend that you exercise the maximum in self-control. Evaluate the dog. Is her tail wagging? Is she panting in a friendly way? If your impressions are positive, make the most of the opportunity.

If you're a kitten, assume the "I'm just a tiny, adorable, helpless ball of fur" attitude. Move very slowly towards the dog, pacing yourself by the volume and frequency of the remark, "Isn't that the cutest thing?" and by the flashing of cameras and cellphones. If you hear the statement, "We should put this on YouTube," up the attitude and accompany it with heartbreaking whimpers.

If you are a mature cat, don't try to overplay cute. Instead, go for pathos. Remind your new servants that you've had a tough life on the street where you learned to trust no one or that the death of a human forced you into homelessness. Convey with an ever-more-confident step that being in this loving and nuturing atmosphere is already healing your psychic wounds. If you play it right, you, too, may earn Internet exposure.

Regardless of your age, keep the climactic scene well in mind. You will end up crouching or lying between the dog's legs, your head buried against his chest. (I hope for your sake that he will have been recently bathed.) Hold that pose. Humans love scenes of interspecies friendship because they don't understand that we are far more tolerant than they usually are. Or maybe they do understand and need the inspiration of the lion and the lamb and the dog and the cat.

It costs you nothing to make them happy, and you will be greatly rewarded. They will talk about you to their friends, and they will put your picture on their Facebook pages and web sites. You could become famous.

It's worth suffering a small amount of dog hair.

Are We Famous Yet?

A quick note to readers of this blog: my scribe, C. M. Barrett, was interviewed about the book in which I play a starring role, Big Dragons Don't Cry You can read the interview here.

Comments are welcome.

Animals Have Feelings: Bach Flower Remedies for Cats and Dogs

My human transcriber has written and published Animals Have Feelings, Too: Bach Flower Remedies for Cats and Dogs. The book costs $1.99 and is available at amazon.com You can also get it at Smashwords where it can be downloaded in .mobi, .epub, .pdf, and other formats. (What are these words humans concoct?)

I have reviewed the book, and the most important message I found was the statement that often companion animals, through their behavior, mirror the emotional imbalances of their humans. I might have stated the case somewhat more strongly, but I'm satisfied to see the message go out to the electronic universe.
Topics Include:

How the Bach Flower Remedies Can Help Animals and Humans: An explanation of how energy healing works.

Understanding Our Animal Companions: Animals, especially companion animals have emotions. Because they don't speak the same language as we do, they often communicate through their behavior. Learn to crack the code by observing your pet carefully.

My Cat/My Dog/Myself: Sometimes animals mirror our own emotional upsets. You'd be surprised what you can learn about yourself from them.

Abuse and Abandonment: These animals need special understanding and treatment.

Some Common Conditions and Remedies for Them: An annotated list.

Urge your human to buy this book. At $1.99, it costs less than a decent cat toy or even a large can of quality food.

How Cats Rule

Due to excessive heat, I am assuming the yoga position known as Cat Assuming Deep Stillness and Avoiding Motion. I am also allowing my humans to rest her paws today as we take a break for a very short video that demonstrates feline dominance. Congratulations to the unnamed cat who stars in the piece.

t.co/H0sVdOC

Adopting a Child: Part II

This post continues the topic of adoption where children are involved.

Pay particular attention to the relationship of parent and child. Who's running the show? You almost always want the parent to be in charge. Make an exception for the child who demonstrates maturity. He may say, "This cat seems very smart and alert." This is obviously an intelligent observation.

He may sidestep his parents' attempts to choose a cat for him and follow his intuition, which is very catlike and promising. You will find such a child easy to train.

As you carefully study the relationship between parent and child, listen for these fatal words: "If we get you this cat, you're going to have to take care of it." Some children do indeed take responsibility for feeding and other necessities, and if you hear cheerful agreement, consider this promising.

However, if children must be threatened into cat care, two words: Never happen. After prolonged periods of hunger and poor sanitation, you will be returned to the shelter (or worse), having wasted time that could have been spent in training more suitable humans.

See earlier posts for suggestions about making sure you don't get adopted by a reluctant juvenile caretaker.

If the child picks you up, you will have an excellent opportunity for evaluation. Does she hold you just right, or does she let most of you dangle precariously? Do you sense affection and warmth? If your overall impression is positive, consider adoption.

This brings me to a very difficult and subjective issue. Having listed the many pros and cons of various human types, I must confess that sometimes good judgment flies out the window. Despite our best intentions to remain objective, we may sometimes feel so attracted to a particular human that we can't imagine life without him or her.

Humans call this love. I call it delusion, but, since I vowed at the beginning that this blog would be totally honest, I admit that I have fallen under its spell. If you like living on the edge and possibly risking your life, go for it. And don't say I didn't tell you so.

You must always remember, by the way, that humans are usually looking for kittens. Shelter management sometimes takes advantage of that urge by insisting that single kittens get lonely during the day and that an adult cat must be part of the deal. This gets more of you adults out of cages. The downside is that you will have to deal with a kitten, a topic I will go into in the future. For now, I will note that any cat worth the name can handle the juveniles of her species.

Adopting a Child: Part I

Adopting a Child: Part I

Dear Tara,

I read your comments on shelter cats choosing humans for adoption with great interest. What is your advice regarding the evaluation of children who accompany their parents to a shelter? In my experience, younger humans can be troublesome.

Respectfully,
Kautious about Kids

Dear Kautious,

How right you are. Like all animals, humans have love and tenderness for their young. Unlike other animals, they don't always know when it's time to give their offspring an encouraging kick in the rump towards independence. The most important rule for any cat to know about parents and their children is that in a conflict between the child and you they will choose the child. ALWAYS.

I will defer the topic of managing children in the home for a later post. For now, we'll consider the importance of first impressions.

As with adults, evaluate the child's physical appearance. Clean face, hands, and whatever else is visible are mandatory. This shows good training on the parents' part and a certain degree of good behavior on the part of the child. Clothing should be presentable but not of fashion model quality. Too much fuss about appearance can indicate an adult who 's obsessed with an immaculate home. This is not the kind of home you want.

Look for scabs, scratches, and any other indication that the child may play rough. You don't want one who plays rough with you.

Is the child a whiner, surly, sullen, and/or verging on a tantrum? Children, like cats, can be very adept at strategic bad behavior. We applaud their ingenuity, but we don't want to be its victim. Avoid a child who may take her or his bad moods out on you. You will be forced to retaliate, and this could be your exit ticket.

In Part Two of this topic, I will discuss the all-important relationship between the parent and the child.