Spring Training for Kittens: Part II

A number of social challenges face young kittens.

The following is what humans call a cheat sheet, designed to accommodate the brief attention span of the average kitten.

Rescuers

Some of you, I regret to say, were born in the wild. So was I, but I was born in a very friendly wild, where I had loving and fierce parents who were also mighty hunters. Because I was the Kitten (later upgraded to Cat) of Destiny, other animals knew not to make trouble for me.

You feral kittens haven't had my advantages. Your goal is to get inside to safety as quickly as possible. This will most likely happen with the help of humans called rescuers.

A rescuer may be wearing a protective mask and thick gloves. Don't let her appearance frighten you. She wants to avoid the claws and teeth of those cats who don't recognize her friendly intentions. Be friendly in return.

Foster Homes

You will do very well if you end up in a foster home. Humans who sometimes double as rescuers run them. You will have good food, comfortable lodgings, and toys. Foster homes also provide a relaxed atmosphere for interviewing potential human companions.

Shelters

These accommodations aren't quite as luxurious. You will live in a cage, and the food doesn't approach foster home quality. However, the odds are good that kind people will take care of you. Again, be friendly, and practice being adorable. This should present no challenge.

Adoption

Whether you're in a foster home or a shelter, people will come to look at you to decide whether they want to adopt you. Pay attention: the choice should always be yours. (See the chapter, "Choosing Your Human" in my book.)

To summarize: look adorable for humans you choose. Show your butt to those you don't like.

Socializing

Once you've entered your new home, the real challenge begins. As a kitten, you arrive with major advantages. You are tiny. You are adorable. You are photogenic. Combine these advantages into a number of artful poses, and you can achieve stardom on Facebook and YouTube and rulership of your home.

The information in this post gets much more detailed treatment in my book, Cats in Charge: A Guide to the Training and Education of Humans. All cats with a serious or playful commitment to world domination need to read this book carefully.

Cats in Command: A Short Story

Curiosity Quills, a site of which I greatly approve for its cat-centric content, has published a short story by my scribe. Read it here. http://curiosityquills.com/cats-in-command-a-short-story/ There will be a quiz.

Adopting a Child: Part II

This post continues the topic of adoption where children are involved.

Pay particular attention to the relationship of parent and child. Who's running the show? You almost always want the parent to be in charge. Make an exception for the child who demonstrates maturity. He may say, "This cat seems very smart and alert." This is obviously an intelligent observation.

He may sidestep his parents' attempts to choose a cat for him and follow his intuition, which is very catlike and promising. You will find such a child easy to train.

As you carefully study the relationship between parent and child, listen for these fatal words: "If we get you this cat, you're going to have to take care of it." Some children do indeed take responsibility for feeding and other necessities, and if you hear cheerful agreement, consider this promising.

However, if children must be threatened into cat care, two words: Never happen. After prolonged periods of hunger and poor sanitation, you will be returned to the shelter (or worse), having wasted time that could have been spent in training more suitable humans.

See earlier posts for suggestions about making sure you don't get adopted by a reluctant juvenile caretaker.

If the child picks you up, you will have an excellent opportunity for evaluation. Does she hold you just right, or does she let most of you dangle precariously? Do you sense affection and warmth? If your overall impression is positive, consider adoption.

This brings me to a very difficult and subjective issue. Having listed the many pros and cons of various human types, I must confess that sometimes good judgment flies out the window. Despite our best intentions to remain objective, we may sometimes feel so attracted to a particular human that we can't imagine life without him or her.

Humans call this love. I call it delusion, but, since I vowed at the beginning that this blog would be totally honest, I admit that I have fallen under its spell. If you like living on the edge and possibly risking your life, go for it. And don't say I didn't tell you so.

You must always remember, by the way, that humans are usually looking for kittens. Shelter management sometimes takes advantage of that urge by insisting that single kittens get lonely during the day and that an adult cat must be part of the deal. This gets more of you adults out of cages. The downside is that you will have to deal with a kitten, a topic I will go into in the future. For now, I will note that any cat worth the name can handle the juveniles of her species.

Adopting a Child: Part I

Adopting a Child: Part I

Dear Tara,

I read your comments on shelter cats choosing humans for adoption with great interest. What is your advice regarding the evaluation of children who accompany their parents to a shelter? In my experience, younger humans can be troublesome.

Respectfully,
Kautious about Kids

Dear Kautious,

How right you are. Like all animals, humans have love and tenderness for their young. Unlike other animals, they don't always know when it's time to give their offspring an encouraging kick in the rump towards independence. The most important rule for any cat to know about parents and their children is that in a conflict between the child and you they will choose the child. ALWAYS.

I will defer the topic of managing children in the home for a later post. For now, we'll consider the importance of first impressions.

As with adults, evaluate the child's physical appearance. Clean face, hands, and whatever else is visible are mandatory. This shows good training on the parents' part and a certain degree of good behavior on the part of the child. Clothing should be presentable but not of fashion model quality. Too much fuss about appearance can indicate an adult who 's obsessed with an immaculate home. This is not the kind of home you want.

Look for scabs, scratches, and any other indication that the child may play rough. You don't want one who plays rough with you.

Is the child a whiner, surly, sullen, and/or verging on a tantrum? Children, like cats, can be very adept at strategic bad behavior. We applaud their ingenuity, but we don't want to be its victim. Avoid a child who may take her or his bad moods out on you. You will be forced to retaliate, and this could be your exit ticket.

In Part Two of this topic, I will discuss the all-important relationship between the parent and the child.

Choosing Your Human From a Shelter: Part 2

Dear Tara,

Your post on choosing the right human to adopt was very helpful. Could you rate the types of humans who may visit a shelter looking for cats and kittens?

Sincerely,
Tired of My Cage

Dear Tired,

I'd be glad to answer this important question. Below you will find various categories.

Singles of Mating Age

Although it isn't always true, single adults often seek a "pet" to relieve their unhappiness at being single. If you sense that rare human who revels in solitude—a trait that is often revealed by confident bearing and the total absence of wistfulness in their voices—make yourself VERY available for adoption. Their lifestyle will totally suit yours.

If you choose a lonely single, be prepared for a high-maintenance relationship. Some cats enjoy this, but the time needed to comfort a needy human cuts into the time necessary for grooming, sleeping, and stillness.

Often the lonely ones do better with a dog. Seek any indication, like fur and odor, that indicates they already have one. This is a separate topic, but going into a home where a dog has already established himself is not always optimal.

Seniors

The biggest concern with choosing an elderly human is how close to the grave they appear. I say this not out of a lack of compassion but because cats are too often ignored in the post-mortem shuffle. If the senior is accompanied by a responsible-looking younger human, and all other aspects are positive, you may want to consider adoption. Seniors often prefer an adult cat, and this benefits those of you who get neglected because of the kitten craze.

Senior couples are often a better choice, as long as at least one of them appears capable of remembering feeding time and other essentials.

Gay Couples

In general, these are excellent choices for adoption. Although you should not be deluded by the myth that they are always childless, many gay couples are attracted to our charming, low-maintenance selves. Food and treats in such households are often of the highest quality.