Crazed with Catnip

Tara,

Catnip: recreational or addictive substance, was not covered in your book. I enjoy the sensations associated with chewing and rubbing on this delightful herb, but I'm concerned about how foolish this looks to my semi-trained humans. Am I losing their respect by participating in the catnip festivities?

Yours truly,
Torn between dignity and delight

Given the quantities of recreational and/or addictive drugs humans ingest, they have no business judging any cat who gets a buzz from 'nip. Add in the fact that far too many humans have no familiarity with the concept of moderation, whether in matters of food, alcohol, and other substances and activities, and you may grasp the idea that human opinions of you should matter not a whit.

However, the issue is much more complex. Deep down, humans recognize the superiority of cats. If they would simply accept this supremacy and humbly take guidance and direction from us, our lives, their lives, and the world would be a better place.

They're too accustomed, though, to the idea that they are the superior species, a false notion that leads them into destructive thinking patterns. It also causes them to look for any evidence of inferiority in other species.

The sight of a catnip-crazed cat rolling on the floor, chasing apparently invisible objects, or crashing into walls, soothes their egos. They think of us as stupid and dope-addled creatures.

Does this opinion make it more difficult to train them? It can only happen if you accept their judgment.

A human who was a cut above the average once said, "What you think of me is none of my business." Ponder these words carefully. Be concerned not with human opinions of you (which 90% of the time are ignorant and uninformed) and consider instead your opinion of yourself.

If you believe that you're the greatest cat since Bastet and walk with your head and tail high, no human can fail to realize your dignity and grandeur. Continued visions of your splendor will soon erase the memories of random catnip mania.

If you do feel a little foolish, once the catnip haze has worn off, simply turn your back on them and wash yourself vigorously. This is the best solution to any temporary dip in self-esteem.

Always remember: You are Cat. For those readers who have not yet benefited from Cats in Charge: A Guide to the Training and Education of Humans, it's available here.